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    1. #31
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      Moving to the mat, she sat down and joined them, then shot Caltin a wry look and chuckled at his attempted mimicry. Once their guest began describing her history and then time with the Order thus far, Masiri could understand how things like this would wear on someone. The aura around Desbre being obvious as Masiri still felt the Force flowing through her after the morning's exercises. She had also been left to her own devices by two masters, though she harbored them no ill will. The Force guided where it will, her father would say.

      Knowing now what race the girl was, Masiri admitted to herself that she had never seen any Arkanians before, but her fellow Jedi was indeed interesting. A bit more misguided, it seemed, but they still had some things in common. She quietly listened and then turned her attention back to Caltin and waited on his reply. This wasn't her arena to enter at the moment.

    2. #32
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      He listened to absolutely everything, but it was clear to him that he didn't have to. She was right where she needed to be in more ways than one, and this was just a wrinkle in the fabric of her journey.

      ... you know that was cheesy... right?

      Just getting into the moment. Anyway, the darkness creeping up on her, but considering how he himself was touched by darkness much the same, it didn't concern him as much as some might think that it should. Mind you, he wasn't blowing off or trivializing what she was going through, but he had the answers already, maybe not all of them but hopefully enough.

      I'm going to answer your questions aloud. This is not to embarrass you, but to help emphasize the point I want to make, also because this conversation will not leave this room unless you choose to. That point is "you are not alone." There is nothing wrong with you. Sal-Soren has a journey that he needs to take on his own,
      that has nothing to do with your potential.

      Let me tell you a story.

      There was a man who joined the Order, had much the same issues as you are going through. He was born into the wealthy and affluent shipping magnate family. He was a normal child relatively speaking until his family's company was investigated by the Coruscant Guard and the Republic Navy for smuggling and gun running to not only pirates, but to the Black Sun. The company's executives were found overwhelmingly guilty and sentenced to life on separate prison worlds. His families assets were seized by the Republic and the company was nationalized, one of the last under Emperor Palpatine.

      Placed in foster care, the family he was sent to not only mistreated him, they beat him mercilessly claiming it was "discipline". He was often hospitalized until his wishes were realized and he was sent to another foster home who ignored him completely. He would soon find himself able to sense when he was about to be in some kind of trouble before it happened. He never avoided it though, oddly enough. Seven foster homes later he found himself in the middle of a gang war on the lower levels of the planet. He was not involved, but happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and several gang members on opposing sides testified that he caused the majority of deaths that happened that day because two of them came at him until they were somehow shoved away, yet he never touched them. At 15, because he was "stil a pup" the kid was sentenced to live out his days in a juvenile detention center until he was old enough to be transferred to a prison colony...


      ... and he never did anything to deserve it.


      Finding himself in an overly large amount of fights due to his always seeming to move and see things others couldn't, this kid became harder, he learned more about Rek'Dul, and Teras Kasi thanks to a guard who took pity on him. He learned how to defend himself so well that he was often avoided by others, however this often found him trouble as well as he was blamed for fights that he did not cause. The final straw occurred the day of his transfer to a shuttle to Kessel, he was being lead out when a riot broke out in the middle of the path the guards took him on. They were moving him aside when a bottle hit the guard in front of him. Turning around and slamming a stun baton into the kid's face, he took the kid down and started to beat him with the weapon even deactivating the stun cuffs...


      ... this was all Caltin could stand.


      He allowed himself to be dragged to the shuttle, and when they were in the air, he saw that it was him, that one guard, and two pilots. It soon became just him... he was free.


      Much of his life was spent on the run after that, he always kept a low profile, but found himself helping those wrongfully accused. It was an odd way of life, but it was his own and no one would dare question it. He didn't search out those beings in those situations, it just seemed to happen. He was always 'just a little' faster and 'just a little' more agile. On the run he soon found out that his 'luck' wasn't luck at all, it was the Force. He could see things happen before they would, he could react faster then others, he could run faster, jump higher. He didn't know how to control it, but he could do it. He wasn't good enough a person to be Jedi, but he could still help people.

      It was on Corellia that he found love, and actually started to feel like his past was behind him. It was when the love of his life, pregnant with his child, told him that they were done and she wanted him off planet. She even called her employers, Corsec, on him, giving them her current position. He didn't know she was pregnant as she didn't tell him, she didn't tell him because she knew him better than he knew himself, she didn't want him locked up as she felt he was innocent of his crimes. She knew that if he knew he was going to be a father, he would want to be the best father in the galaxy, even if behind bars. She didn't want that for him, so she sent him away.

      ... and again he felt abandoned.

      Finding himself on the planet Tattooine he was exhausted, he was hungry, he was broke, he was almost dead. Yet he still fought, standing up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves, he didn't think about or concern himself with any consequences of his actions until he met Faraday Corbell, a doctor with a small clinic who found him blacked out in an alley near the remains of two Weequay, there had been a fight. He woke up on his exam table saying only "I didn't kill them", not knowing that this was exactly what Faraday was thinking. The next day Corbell's clinic was destroyed in a Hutt ordered hit targeting the would be vigilante. The massive figure couldn't take it anymore, he left... headed out into the desert. That was when someone showed him the kindness that really no one else would. A moisture farmer took him in, fed him, and gave him a job working on and fixing the droids and converters. That man's name was Ian Miller...


      One day he came back from the ridge to find Miller's body, it was drawn and quartered and his daggers were missing. This was the work of a Hutt's gang, Argo the Hutt, that was it. The guy was going to end it there. He was going to finish this once and for all. Heading into Mos Espa, the guy was approaching a little Twi'Lek girl names Nurima he had seen so many times before and always shared a wave. This time was different, she looked afraid of him, even passed across the street. The feeling he got from this was so unbearable, he was becoming the very thing he stood up against.


      So he left in his ship, "The Fugitive's Revenge", leaving for a place where he knew he would get the help he needed. Yavin VIII. No, the guy knew that he wasn't going there to get into the Jedi Order, he was nowhere near good enough. He needed help though, counseling, psychological, whatever. He needed it. When he got there, he was proven wrong.

      Those days though are long gone as the massive individual has completely transformed, from fragile psyche'd angry individual to a man of peace. A fighter with little reason to fight, a man who teaches everyone, anything he can, both friend and enemy alike. This man had a Master initially, she was a woman who "talked him off the ledge" so to speak,
      made him understand that he was good enough to be there. She taught him a total of one ability, and then vanished as well. She vanished without a trace.

      Months of waiting later, he found another Master who made a point of promising him that he would never experience that again, only to find himself in the very same predicament. Only this time, he had seen her around the Temple most of the time, as well as teaching her other students. Heh... talk about feeling "not good enough", eh? It affected him pretty harshly as he was devoted to being a Jedi, but felt that much of the Masters were only in it for themselves and when he was able to teach others, he wouldn't let that happen. He was a Jedi, and he could have gone down any road in this journey but he stayed on the one he felt he was meant to, the one that would help the most people.

      Time passed, and the Council kept giving him more and more students, and that did not help his opinion of them.

      It was when he became a Master himself that he realized that the best thing that he, or anyone could do was simply be there when needed. For example today he is sitting in a training dojo, cross legged, telling a story.


      He wasn't trying to compare himself to her, or to anyone. However if he could keep one Jedi (and he has kept more than one) from experiencing what he did? Then it was worth it all.

    3. #33
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      Sitting in the middle of the biggest training Dojo was something that Caltin hadn't done in a long time. He had stopped taking Padawans long ago as he was following personal quests and issues that needed to be resolved. That hadn't changed to this point, but he was still here doing something. He was going to do something that was done when he himself was a Padawan. No, this would not be a re-occurring thing, probably not; but it would be something that would help those that don't know how to get started, or those who need clarification on something.

      Clasping his hands together, the Massive Jedi Master waited. No, this event of his was unannounced, but it was his hope that he could pique the curiosity of those who needed someone to teach them the most. Arrogant? Maybe, but unintentional. Well meaning? Definitely. He knew what it was like to feel alone here. He didn't wish that on anyone.


      Neo had heard there was a class going on. Since he was waiting for the arrival of Master Jannik who he'd sent a message to a few days prior to meet with the wandering Jedi Master, Neo spent most of his time getting familiar with the surroundings of Yavin VIII. The clone took to wandering through the halls and becoming familiar with the Temple itself. Sure, Neo could have spent his time in the Tavern, but, what was the point of that? Wouldn't serve more then a purpose then to intoxicate himself and pass time till Jannik would have an audience with him. Being a new Padawan and not knowing what to do otherwise, the red eyed clone then took toward the dojo. Somewhere where he could observe and ask questions about different things in general. Though he learned things here and there from the few experiences he had and the conversation with Desiree and the few others when he'd roamed the galaxy, Neo was still getting used to being...alive. Though it had been some time since he'd gone from being awakened and leaving Kamino to now.

      Traversing through the many halls he came to a 'T' where the path went two ways. Looking to his left and then to the right he remembered vaguely that the path to the Dojo was on his right. Or he assumed that it was. His face unsure as red eyes blinked he then shrugged and went to the right. Now walking again down said hallway he then saw a few other rooms that were closed off. They were apparently rooms in which Jedi trained so at least he was on the right path. That made him smile briefly. As he kept walking he heard commotion which meant that one of the rooms had other lessons going on and one in particular he heard was in the last room on the right. Seeing his way there, Neo pondered what he'd ask, if he did at all. Maybe he'd just observe for the moment. Still being as shy as he was until he warmed up to people.

      Peeking his head inside the door, Neo then saw there were a few inside. His face turning a bit red he then slid his way into the room. Looking down at the floor for a few moments his red eyes then looked up and around the room. Hopefully no one would recognize his features which were similar to a clown who he figured a lot had seen on the holonews. The clone then took to a chair and sat down. Observing what was going on he didn't say a word. Neo wondered if they'd recognize him as the sick clown. Jack was quite famous in many aspects. Being that he killed others while being recorded on said Holonews. Not to mention escaping after the capture. Which was also broadcasted across the worlds that the Republic shared. Then again, it was more then likely broadcasted through all the holonews and all even in the Empire. Either way, Neo was not the evil clown even though his eyes would show that. The clone couldn't help who his template was. All he could do was rise above what Jack was and be something greater. His shyness was complete opposite of Jack as well. Though Neo was sure someone might point out the similarity between him and Jack and the clone Padawan had gotten surgery to distinguish himself from said Sith Lord.

      Either way Neo just sat and looked on. Not knowing what to say or do at that moment.
      Last edited by Neo Locne; 01-12-2018 at 02:02 PM.

    4. #34
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      Desbre sat and listened with rapt attention to the Master. Immediately she had the sense he was talking about himself. As he relayed the tale she covered her mouth with both hands, and found her eyes watering. It wasn't hard to put herself in those shoes, but she could still only imagine the personal hell he'd had to live through.

      With the story finished she blinked hard a few times to clear her eyes and simply sat. Finally she found her voice once more, "I guess my situation isn't that bad." Her voice cracked as she spoke from the strain.

      "I feel like i was progressing quite well, but now I'm just... stuck," she said, her gaze having fallen now, but then she shrugged once. "I suppose it might be a good thing as it gives an opportunity to keep refining what I've been taught, making what discoveries I can." She looked back up at Caitin.

      Even as she spoke the clouds around her were slowly burning away like a fog lifting in the morning sunlight. Though now part of her felt no small amount of pain and empathy for Master Vanagor. Not that he needed it, it was just an aspect of who she was. Even being more oriented towards genius level intelligence, she had quite a heart on her as well.

      Her pointed ears were quick to pick up sound behind her, along with the feeling of a new arrival. She glanced over her shoulder and simply gave Neo a nod of acknowledgement. SHe'd never seen him before, or even knew the story of his connections. Instead, he was another student like her, and quieter than most.

      That done she turned her attention back to Caitin and Masiri. "Thank you for your wisdom Master," she said more formally. Knowing that it wasn't anything personal, and seemed to happen all over the place was a little bit of relief. It was also disconcerting, but she supposed the Council was busy with many matters, and couldn't oversee everything all the time at the lower levels of the Order. Idly she wondered how many students were falling through the cracks in the system.

    5. #35
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      Masiri listened to her master's story and eventually realized he was speaking personally. It was at that point that she began to feel compassion for him, and some pity to a degree. She knew hardship, but at least her own family life before that terrible year had been stable and with loving parents. She and her sister had everything at one point, she mused. Then turned to notice a newcomer now standing on the outer edge, then joined them, but seemed as enthralled with Caltin's story as she was. Brown eyes then turned to their Arkanian guest and she smiled at the girl's compliment and introspection, something that Masiri could relate to.

      Not ready to divulge her own life story to these others, she remained quiet and just paid attention and hoped now that she could emulate all three of the masters that she had studied under, including the one now seated to her left.

    6. #36
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      Waving to the newcomer to be seated, Caltin had no idea of his past as he had never met the clown and paid little attention to HNN as he felt much of their "news" was salacious (OOC: ). That being said, or written as the case may be, he understood where the Arkanian was coming from, it was easy to feel "stuck", at times. He himself had as well.

      It's easy to feel that way. I will tell you that once question that I have always asked of the younger generation is if you are committed to this. Not in words, but in mindset. Being a Padawan is exponentially more difficult than being a Knight, or a Master. Believe me, this is not just lipservice.

      He let the words hang in the air as he used Aqua-kinesis again to refill his water-bottle.

      The old Jedi order took in their Padawans almost right after birth. Padawans then spent their entire lives learning the ways of the Jedi. Today is different, today you have to practically forget your old ways of thinking, and rebuild yourself. All the while learning, and fighting, and so on. It's tough!

      Getting into a loquacious rhythm again, Caltin was beginning to wonder why he ever gave up gatherings like this.

      That's why I wanted to do this, and will again from time to time. No one is ever alone here, or "stuck". As long as you are up to speaking up, and asking for help from anyone, you'll never be turned down.
      True, I may have all of the Padawans that I can handle at the moment...


      He then projected a message just to Masiri at this point...

      ~Don't even think you are burdening me in case you are, you becoming my Padawan was my idea.~ His tone in the message was one she would recognize as "big brotherish" so as to make her understand that everything was good and the mood was light.

      ... but my door is always open. Just like this.

      Let's take this in a bit of a different path...

      I mentioned "commitment" before. Why would that be important in times like this? Why would the Jedi be concerned of someone falling to the Dark Side?
      He was going somewhere with this, oh yes, he was going somewhere.

    7. #37
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      "Knowledge is power, and knowledge of the Force can lead to having knowledge of all things. As you just demonstrated you have the ability to control the very molecular structure in the air around us. The ability alone isn't dangerous. However one cannot do something with the Force that they do not believe is possible, much less right for them to do. This is the trap of the Dark Side, for those that have given over to it believe that whatever they decide to do is ... right and correct. The ends justify the means. Often they use their abilities to cruel ends, to sow panic, fear, terror. Many are motivated by fear, anger, and hate. They are motivating and powerful emotions, but as has been proven time and again, when one lives under stressing conditions it actually causes brain damage, and is a perpetuating cycle." She shrugged. "Some say that once you tap into the Dark Side, it gets easier and easier, and eventually it starts to use you. I don't really know how true that is, as I don't have any first hand evidence. But that's the philosophy, but there's some scientific evidence to back it up. I don't really care to find out at this point."

      Her tone was mostly matter of fact but with some speculation. It wasn't the regurgitation of Jedi philosophy but something that she'd spent time not just thinking about, but digging through the holonet, doing research, digging up behavioral and cognitive studies. "What we -have- seen though is that any time the Sith rise, death and destruction and brutal rule by force and tyranny follow. Which suggests that it's largely true. There will always be outliers of course, but the largest percentile of Dark Siders are likely to go that route."

    8. #38
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      Neo listened to the Jedi Master but didn't hear the tale he told of himself. After Caltin had told that story did Neo walk in and sit down as the massive Jedi Master he sat where the others were although a bit farther off. The clone was shy that was quite obvious. Sometimes he flet paranoid, but did that make him feel any darker or push him toward the darkness? No. It was just something he wasn't used to and he hadn't felt like a normal person quite yet. Sure he spoke to others when he felt that he had to. When he did he was rather soft spoken and stuttered at times. The notion annoyed a few on Drifter's Paradise but he didn't care in the slightest. Whatever those felt about him was nothing if they'd known where he originated from. Then they would either keep closer watch on him or else shun him...or worse. Neo didn't wanna think of the worse part, but, nonetheless he figured he'd try and interact with everyone. Get used to being in the company of people. Whether he personally wanted to or not. Neo knew at some point he would need to get out of this shyness if he was to really take a path to becoming better then what his template was.

      Rubbing his arms a bit from more or less a bit of anxiety and nervousness the tattoo on his arm flashed if only for a split second. The number '1' being tattooed on his arm which he was glad he put on the long sleeved shirt. Sure, cold didn't bother him as it would others. Something he inherited from Jack. Whether it was a blessing or a curse he hadn't decided yet. Still observing and listening as Desbre spoke along with Caltin he then wondered if what he knew of the Sith could aid in this discussion. Only bits and pieces of Jack's life he saw through visions while on Kamino before having a life of his own. With that, Neo then cleared his throat looking over the others in the room. His soft spoken voice coming out in what seemed like a whisper if someone didn't catch what he was saying.

      "I...uh...don't believe that all Sith are alike..." He said looking down at the floor again in a soft spoken tone, "...some...I think...do things...just to spread chaos."

    9. #39
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      Masiri listened to her fellow Padawans and knew they were right in most respects about the dark side. Though she didn't have a lot of firsthand knowledge, she had seen enough darkness in normal people. But that wasn't what Caltin asked, she mused. Taking in what Neo stated, she hesitated before replying and let him commit to not having anything else to say before she expressed her own opinion.

      "Being committed to our principles is the only thing that keeps us from falling to the dark side. Jedi trained here have unique knowledge that anyone else wouldn't, which makes them more dangerous if they did fall." She straightened and took a deep breath. "If we don't stand for what's right, who will?" Brown eyes glanced from Caltin to the other two, "I've seen normal people do some evil things, even without training in the Force. I do agree that everyone has their own outlook on the universe and how they should live, but we've been gifted with a greater touch to something amazing and I think that we should be held to a higher standard. My father used to always say, those with great ability have a great responsibility." Her gaze returned to Caltin, "You could've ended up in a terrible place, but you've dedicated yourself to a higher ideal and no doubt the road wasn't easy, but your trials in early life only made you stronger," she stated with conviction, then smiled. "Instead of letting everything else beat you down, you rose above them."

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      Desbre focused her gaze on Masiri as she spoke. When she finished, she inclined her chin a fraction of an inch. "That's pretty much what I meant, but perhaps summarized perhaps more succinctly." She shrugged one shoulder. It was simpler, but her world view wasn't in black and white. One person's right was another person's wrong. She didn't believe in lofty high-minded ideals. But she did believe in the evil of people, and what they did with the power they were given, or acquired. How they treated and related to others. She'd seen plenty of that first-hand. No further need for evidence or proof.

    11. #41
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      They had all given great answers, phenomenally well thought.


      Too bad none of them really answered his question.


      They did, I was just looking for something different. Not the fault of any of them.

      There's a Jedi Master, he was a member of the Council for a long time, but is now out amongst the stars. His name is Verse Dawnstrider. He gave me some great advice when it came to answering questions that could be taken. He told me when I myself was a Padawan, I was struggling to find my voice. I simply wanted to give the simplest, most direct answer, but wanted to sound like a Jedi. He saw me struggle to answer his questions and he told me...

      "Don't over-think it."


      Spinning the bottle in his hand, he met the eyes of each individual.

      Always strive to give the best answer you can, but don't try and give one that isn't yours.
      For example, if I was answering the question, I would reference Desbre's and once my feelings of being stuck.
      I would mention how that is one of the most important times to remain committed because it is easy to just let go.
      However, staying committed can lead to finding others to learn from, if only once at a time, others to spar with as well. There is also research, if you have the time to learn about the history of the Jedi, you'll see that much of our history is relate-able. You might just learn more about yourself than you think. For example, I once fancied myself a budding Sentinel... an investigator of the mysteries of the Force.
      He shrugged.

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      Desbre blinked at the mention of Sentinels and their job as though she'd been slapped in the face. Not harshly but just in surprise. "That's... pretty much what I came here to do," she said. "I came to study. Not to wax philosophical. Not to learn codes, but to learn -exactly- how it works, how it all ties together." The words were almost blurted out and she could have imagined herself trying to scoop them back up before they got away but it was too late. It was out there. Sure she understood the dangers, had seen some of the horrors that some people could wreak out there. But she felt that the answers were both greater and simpler and there was a great deal of narrow-mindedness going on. "But I don't intend to sit in the library forever. Research in the field."

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      Masiri listened again and knew that the reply she had offered was her own, but also had been learned firsthand from her parents and others here at the temple, being a Padawan now for a long time. Another that could have complained about being forgotten and left to drift into the cracks, as it were, but she hadn't been idle. She knew that everyone had their own opinions on the Force as it was something unique to each person. No one saw the worlds the same way, or their races the same, so it would definitely relate to a Jedi's life as well. Though having the code, in her mind, was also a guideline to be followed, written down by those who had learned the hard way.

      She hadn't heard anything new yet, but it was interesting to get everyone else's opinions on the matter.

      "Researching in the archives is good, but you can't understand something until you see it firsthand or live it. That's the difference between knowledge and wisdom."

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      Neo sat and listened as Caltin spoke though he only looked at himself and the pale white hands he had. Sure, he had all this potential to be a great Force user that much was certain. But what good would he do if he found himself giving into the same things his template did? The clone had the same features as Jack which was obvious although he was glad no one had pointed it out to him. Maybe none of them watched the holonews or kept up with Republic affairs. Either way, Neo was who he was but he was still learning to be a normal person. Under such circumstances as his he was more or less a teenager getting used to his body changing. Hormones and the like were taking place and he found himself stuttering more then anything else. Though when he finally got to know someone he stopped. At times such as these he wanted to become familiar with people. To get rid of the shyness he felt and at least be more social for the sake of being so. While everyone else spoke their opinions and such he remained silent.

      The clone then placed his hands onto his knees while he sat around with everyone else. Neo opened his mouth to speak but then couldn't find the words. His red eyes darted around the room and when he looked down at the floor he noticed his sleeve had come up where his tattoo was. Noting it right away he then pulled his sleeve down and then looked up for a moment. Looking at everyone he then sighed and then kept his eyes onto the floor once again. Though everyone had a good point in his mind. He just didn't know what else to say. Neo was just that shy around people.

    15. #45
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      0 Not allowed!
      He was going somewhere with his line of questioning, but that speedertrain derailed. It happens. Silent for a moment or two, he wondered on the basis for their responses. Was he being too subtle? Were this misinterpreting him as being harsh? Anything was possible.

      All I'm trying to say is do not let yourself get consumed by things. Just as the Force is all around you, so is the rest of your life.

      Cracking his neck and getting comfortable, Caltin looked to each of them.

      Let's do a little refresher for some, and establishing for others. Close your eyes... and clear your minds. Make your last thought be the one that puts your hands down to your sides.

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